Fun With Allergies!

9 May

Hello, friends! Are you stuffed up, run-down, miserable? Are your allergies something to sneeze at? Had enough of this nasal nonsense? Well buck up, buckers! I have personally collected ideas to push you through pollen season. The answers to all your problems is in this little blog post…..

Practice your sneezes
This is the perfect opportunity to practice the sweet sound of your sneeze. Vary the pitch, tone, and force of your sneeze. Try a cute little sneeze or a great, booming gale-force. (Confession: I’m thinking of a great scene from The Golden Girls, check it out here for a quick chuckle.) And who said that “ACHOO” is the only sneeze sound out there? Startle/impress passerby with “ET TU!” (if it’s good enough for Caesar…) or express your thrilling sneeze with a big ol’ “WAHOO!”

Or, you could always blow your nose around a baby and see if anything as cute as this happens.

Embrace your inner curmudgen
As long as you’re
feeling this warm and fuzzy hatred towards flowers and grass, you might as well go full-grouch and indulge in a grumpy free-for-all. Make loud gagging noises when you spot public displays of affection. (Claim that your mucus is the result of their grossness.) Mutter rude-but-true comments. (Does your blutetooth make you feel important? Because you’re not.) Tell those neighbor kids to stay off your lawn. Wear a ratty bathrobe all day, eat ice cream out of the carton, and sniff your nose at perky people who cheerfully proclaim that they’ve never experienced springtime allergies. (They should be killed.)

You sound funny, therefore you are funny
When you can’t breathe, all your sharp letters turn into round ones. Vs turn into Bs, Ts lose all their oomph (or would that be toomph?), and As pop up on the end of words where they have no business being. “I hab bad allergies. I dona feel good. I cana breathe. Will medicine help? I doud id.” Okay, you sound ridiculous. But one person’s weird way of talking is another’s comedic gold. Being nasal worked for Fran Drescher, didn’t it? Or hey–pretend your stuffed-up-ness is an accent from an exotic faraway locale. Everyone will think you’re one wild and crazy guy!

Become a kleenex expert/model
Take the time to test the softness of kleenex. You could be doing generations of tissue users a favor. Your epic contributions to kleenex research will be the stuff of legends. In fact, your story will replace that of the Princess and the Pea. (All that chick did was feel a pea underneath a bed. Her schnauz wasn’t even involved!) Next, you’ll want to work on kleenex as fashion. Take a cue from grandmas everywhere, and make kleenex-up-the sleeve fashionable. You’ll be all the rage with the blue-haired crowd.

Wink, wink-Nudge nudge
When your eyes are itching like crazy, resist the urge to rub them like Lady Macbeth, and instead use this opportunity to wink at anyone who happens to be around. You’ll either make a new friend with your sexy wink or convince people that you have an uncontrollable, slightly creepy twitch. How do you like them odds?

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110 Responses to “Fun With Allergies!”

  1. lexy3587 May 10, 2011 at 6:11 am #

    lol… almost makes me look forward to my soon-to-arrive allergies… buuuuuut, nope. Not enough for me to stop glaring out at all those trees blossoming, and all those people mowing their lawns.

  2. Ash May 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm #

    Oh I so needed this post today. I had a job interview today and I was sniffly through the whole thing. Blegh.

    • Oh My Words! May 13, 2011 at 1:21 pm #

      Oh dear–I hope it went well despite the sniffles!

  3. WobblyWords May 10, 2011 at 6:36 pm #

    Hahaha I love it! I hope you get through the season all right!

  4. Mikalee Byerman May 27, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    Sadly, my allergies typically manifest through watering eyes. It appears I’m crying. Hysterically. Which is just fine, except when I have an interaction with my Ex, who thinks I’m crying because of him (puh-leeze!).

    Anyhow, I wish my allergies could manifest in sexier ways like your tips above. But alas, I just appear to be an emotional wreck…

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 2:45 pm #

      watering eyes and mistaken exes? Oh dear. No, that doesn’t sound fun. Well, maybe you could milk the crying thing? Doors may open…

      I’m not sure my allergies manifest in sexy ways so much as snotty ways 🙂

  5. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife May 27, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    lol, I can so relate to this right now, not with allergies, but with a cold. Way to make this seasonal stuff fun! 🙂

  6. Natalie May 27, 2011 at 8:24 am #

    GReat positive outlook on SND (seasonal nasal disaster)! And will you please come over and itch my eyes for me? Thanks a bunch (of pollen).

  7. She's a Maineiac May 27, 2011 at 8:28 am #

    Funny stuff. Unfortunately my Alavert prescription has knocked all of the inner curmudgeon out of me, so sad. But I can breathe, so there’s that.

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 2:46 pm #

      Well, I suppose breathing is more important than a curmudgeon-y existence…

  8. Lakia Gordon May 27, 2011 at 8:31 am #

    LOL cute article! I learned my Kleenex looong time ago! I need aloe in mine LOL

  9. ThingsYouRealizeAfterYouGetMarried May 27, 2011 at 8:33 am #

    I don’t suffer from allergies, but I know a lot of people that do. This is a great post that puts a positive, funny spin on allergies!

    Congrats on making FP!

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

      thanks! glad you liked it! I’m glad you’re an allergy sympathizer, at least 🙂

  10. thor27 May 27, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    I overcame over a hundred allegies I had as a kid which is amazing. So I can relate to allergies. Come visit http://thor27.wordpress.com

  11. missfitz63 May 27, 2011 at 8:50 am #

    Gesundheit! Damn that photosynthesis! Damn it to hell! All those plants living, breathing and procreating are making it hard to enjoy this lovely spring weather. *sigh* Pass the kleenex and the Zaditor my way, please.

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

      ha–oh, how many times have I eyed a beautiful spring flower and thought damning thoughts!

  12. ancientfoods May 27, 2011 at 8:55 am #

    I can so relate-great post

  13. Leah May 27, 2011 at 8:57 am #

    This is great! As a fellow allergy sufferer, I can so relate. I like the advice to embrace the allergy! Congrats on being freshly pressed.

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 2:51 pm #

      thanks! yes, embracing the allergy/your inner grouch is a proven coping method! 🙂

  14. PCC Advantage May 27, 2011 at 9:08 am #

    Well, I don’t suffer from allergies, but I do love this post! I may have to pass it along to people I know that are dreading this time of year. 🙂

    Great job and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!!

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

      Great! I love when my words are passed along!

  15. ouraugust May 27, 2011 at 9:29 am #

    after an early spring in florida then a later spring in connecticut- i’m over these allergies!! great post!

  16. FinallyFast May 27, 2011 at 9:32 am #

    This was hysterical, I great way to get through my Friday afternoon and a new way to entertain myself since my allergies are in full swing

  17. Kim Pugliano May 27, 2011 at 9:33 am #

    I. Love. You. I just spent 40 minutes perusing your posts and I have officially subscribed. Now back to reading.

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

      YAY! That makes me so happy! So glad you enjoyed this post and more! And thanks for adding me to your blogroll!

  18. metrocakegirl May 27, 2011 at 9:36 am #

    I sneezed while reading! I suffer from allergies, and your post has inspired me to put my suffering to good use. 🙂

  19. Michael May 27, 2011 at 10:05 am #

    I never realized the comedic potential of my allergies allergies before. It’s a whole new world! 😛

  20. Rufus' Food and Spirits Guide May 27, 2011 at 10:16 am #

    I feel your pain. Well, I dont but my wife struggles with this and opening the windows in the spring. Ugh. Thankfully, we’re in the South and past this. Until February anyway. Yes, I said February.

  21. Ponikaa Girl May 27, 2011 at 10:21 am #

    Love the wink-wink tip! Great post. Congratulations on FP!

  22. gaycarboys May 27, 2011 at 10:40 am #

    the first pic looks like one of those 50’s greatings cards. LOVE IT!:)

  23. Damian Trasler May 27, 2011 at 10:42 am #

    I’m the non-allergic one in a family of sneezers, wheezers and dribblers. I already felt left out, and now you’ve proved everyone is having more fun than me! Curse you!

  24. Ava Aston's Muckery May 27, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    I’ve done a couple of blog posts on this subject already this year because my allergies have been terrible. I was able to just take a cordless drill and drill a direct hole from my nostrils into my skull – that did the trick.

    Congrats on Being Freshly Sneezed, I mean Freshly Pressed.

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox

    • Alex May 29, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

      I wish i thought of the drill!

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

      ouch!

      …well, I was never very good with power tools…

  25. debramoolenaar May 27, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

    sadly my problem is a real honest to goodness cold…but your post was v funny!

  26. havingabubble May 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm #

    I’ve tried the not rubbing your eyes tactic. I look like I have a nervous twitch. Oh well, more space on the tube for me I guess lol. Also, the tissue-up-the-sleeve tactic, I’ve tried one better. When I run, if I don’t have pockets then I tuck it away in my bra. Enough said lol.

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

      stylish AND worthy of an ooh-la-la! Love it! 😉

  27. bmestdagh May 27, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

    Love love love! I think I might try passing it off as an exotic accent. Perhaps, I could even be creative and make up a country. Scratch that. Entire new land with a wacky government and Post-its as currency…
    Now my afternoon is booked. Thanks! 🙂

  28. Jessica May 27, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    I love this post! I just developed allergies this year and it’s just an annoyance to deal with them. This probably just made the highlight of the season haha, I love the tissue expert!

  29. bluemixer May 27, 2011 at 3:21 pm #

    HAHAHAHA… This honestly makes me feel better. I just woke up from an allergy medication induced coma… This was downright hilarious. 🙂

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

      allergy medication comas happen to me all the time! Even after taking non-drowsy!
      Glad you found the funny!

  30. Schuyler R. Thorpe May 27, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

    My allergies cripple me to the point where I can’t breathe normally.

    But this made me chuckle and think about my other “misfortunes”…

  31. charlywalker May 27, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    have you tried Zyrtec? Works wonders….

  32. pheli0x May 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm #

    gosh… these are for girls!! any suggestions of good sneezing sounds to practice on for guys? probably one that sounds macho !!

    • somethingelsa May 28, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

      My brothers used to see which one of them could get through most of the alphabet while burping, maybe you could try something similar only with sneezing.

    • Oh My Words! May 29, 2011 at 9:00 pm #

      TA-TOO, KUNG FU…GYM SHOE? Any of those sound macho?

      I disagree though–I don’t see what’s so girly about WAHOO or ET TU…
      🙂

  33. creativeconfessions May 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

    Hahaha! Funny! Now I look at my allergies in a whole new way…

    Good luck getting through the season! =)

  34. wrap me in phyllo dough May 27, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    Oh, did I need this post! I’m from Montana (where nothing grows) and currently living in Greece (where EVERYTHING GROWS!), so this is the worst Spring of the Sneeze I’ve EVER had. To top it all off, getting medication was an adventure in and of itself: I didn’t know any allergy-related vocabulary words in Greek, so yours truly performed a masterful pantomime of flowers growing in a field and then people sneezing. It was like a horrific interpretive dance of the pain we allergy sufferers go through. This post was a much-needed laugh! Thank you!

  35. Ranziy May 27, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

    Ha! Unfortunately, the only thing I’m allergic to is pineapple.

  36. courtneyryanne May 28, 2011 at 12:04 am #

    You might be my hero. Starting tomorrow, creepy slightly puffy and watery winks for everyone.

  37. Leyenda May 28, 2011 at 4:05 am #

    🙂
    I really needed that today, that and the chochlate I’m about to recieve 🙂

    .leyenda

  38. talentpassionlove May 28, 2011 at 4:39 am #

    Thank you for a good laugh! I sympathize with all you allergy sufferers. I myself does not suffer from allergies but both my mom, brother, aunt and grand dad suffer severely sometimes.

    Keep them post coming!

    Lots of sneezes
    Mari

  39. Ellen May 28, 2011 at 5:23 am #

    LOL When I have a sneeze episode, people ask: What do you have? I than can only say: Huhu. Then they’d like me to say it again by What? Huhu… Aaaarggggh 😉

    By the way it helped me to not scratch EVER. I overcame it for a 80%… perhaps a good tip for others.

  40. My English Thoughts May 28, 2011 at 6:45 am #

    Love your post ! I would think about becoming a new expert on kleenex. That will be my new purpose ! 🙂

  41. ahundredthingstodo May 28, 2011 at 7:16 am #

    Love it! I’ll be sure to use the ideas as soon as my allergies act up again!

  42. halfwayto50 May 28, 2011 at 8:00 am #

    There is nothing more irritating to me than when I give out a huge loud, obnoxious sneeze and the cute little girl next to me gives a sweet… a-tu. Puh-leeze. If you’re going to sneeze, then sneeze damnit.

  43. spiritinmatter May 28, 2011 at 8:33 am #

    You’re hilarious! I love when someone is this witty, takes a potentially miserable situation and makes it crazy funny! Great, satisfying post!!

  44. Jean Brown May 28, 2011 at 9:58 am #

    Haha, this is awesome. How do you recommend dealing with a case of faucet-nose? I work in a jewelry store and had this issue recently–put my head down to get something out of a case for a customer and fluid just started running out of my nose… Disgusting!
    Thanks for the laugh–congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  45. pandoraperoxide May 28, 2011 at 10:18 am #

    You missed the trauma of the mid-sneeze pause and the fact that you sound like a pervy heavy-breather on the phone, but ALL THE TIME!!

  46. LBcruiseshipblogger May 28, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    Great post, congrats on getting freshly pressed. I never go anywhere without a kleen-x in my pocket, but I also sneeze over weird things like sun in my eyes. (Try driving west when the sun is going down while sneezing continuously, not fun.)

  47. Brown Sugar Britches May 28, 2011 at 10:35 am #

    helpful and hilarious. thank you! i’ll have to give a few of these a try.. my sneeze is perfect! i don’t blow snot all over and most people turn to look and see if i’m alright. 😀

  48. BeetAlzain May 28, 2011 at 1:55 pm #

    Hahaha

  49. dEb May 28, 2011 at 6:50 pm #

    That’s IT ?? I clicked on the clickerdealie and–anticlimactic. In Otras palabras, nothing happened. I expected balloons…
    I am NOT spam! More like a potato than an actual meat product. dEbO bigglescandoit.com

  50. travelwithlaughter May 28, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

    HAHA…..I took pics of the flowers in my area and labeled my blog, This is why I am sneezing.

  51. Deborah May 28, 2011 at 9:01 pm #

    This article is what I needed to survive my childhood. Yearround allergies are miserable, but this post brings some much-needed humor!

  52. the island traveler May 28, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    This is a refreshing way to deal with the nuisance of allergies. I’ve been one of it’s victims for the past 4 years as well as some of my friends. We even have to get steroid shots so we can enjoy Spring. Sometimes humor makes everything a bit better. great post.

  53. goingroundandround May 28, 2011 at 9:39 pm #

    I’ve always thought that someone should do a documentary on the personality of sneezes. My mom, my son and I are the one big “WAAAACHOOOO!!!” type. I have a friend who is a triple sneezer, “Choo!Choo!Choo!” People who have never suffered from allergies should have to experience them for at least a week, so they can be more understanding. And they should have to do yard work for at least 4 hours one of those days. Then they would know why our handbags are full of Kleenex Ultra Soft with Lotion and why our eyes water, and why we hate the smell of freshly cut grass.
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed. I enjoy your blog 🙂

  54. setinmotion May 29, 2011 at 4:05 am #

    hahaha! What a hilarious quote! Luckily for me I don’t usually have a problem with allergies… but I, and I’m sure everyone else in the world, has suffered through the joys of a cold where blowing your nose does nothing to stop that annoying slight trickle forming from your nose…

  55. Jenn May 29, 2011 at 6:01 am #

    “ET TU!” and “WAHOO” are must-tries.

  56. DrAnthonysBlog May 29, 2011 at 6:23 am #

    Being a new resident to the state of Florida I can relate to this blog posting! Terrific and very timely work!

  57. Yasir Imran May 29, 2011 at 8:51 am #

    ha ha ha, that’s cool

  58. journeyselvaoscura May 29, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    Scritchy scratch, as I sit here with allergies turned on full volume. Thanks for the laugh, which is hard to come by during these cranky, pollen-filled days!

  59. jessiethought May 29, 2011 at 11:49 am #

    Julius Caesar. Et tu, Brutus? Why hast thou stabbed me? All I did was tell you I never have had allergies!

  60. jessiethought May 29, 2011 at 11:52 am #

    Oh yeah, and nobody try a little “eeg” sneeze around me. It is the most annoying thing when someone will not sneeze all the way and suppresses it. WAHOO!

  61. the home tome May 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm #

    This is funny! You’ll be interested to know that my father makes a dramatic sound at the end of his sneezes that somehow incorporates the word “Chicago.” I have tried to replicate but it is not possible.

  62. abbigael1985c May 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    Really great tips.

  63. GreenLif3 May 29, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

    I love your humor! Keep it up!

  64. thegrammaniac May 29, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

    Very clever! I’ve never practiced my sneezes, although I have made attempts to top my “biggest” sneeze ever during especially awful bouts of allergies.

  65. nickykaye May 29, 2011 at 3:43 pm #

    Can you really “practise” a sneeze? Why are more people not doing this???

  66. Alex May 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

    I am SO glad I came across this today! I’ve been experiencing the worst allergies of my life for the past 3 weeks! I think I might start practicing some new sneezes 🙂
    great post!

  67. theredbench May 29, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    Haha… very cute post !! I am an allergy sufferer myself, however I have learned to make those who are not experiencing the pain suffer from just being in my general area. I sneeze extra loud, blow the snot out of my nose at a very obnoxious rate, and just generally moan and groan. It truly does make me feel better to draw the more fortunate “non allergy” sufferers into my pain. 🙂

  68. krish May 29, 2011 at 9:17 pm #

    funny post we need more of them very nice

  69. Leyla May 29, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

    great and funny article !

  70. mkeeffer May 29, 2011 at 10:05 pm #

    Excellent, fun and a delightful surprise – thanks!

  71. Sharp May 29, 2011 at 11:03 pm #

    allow me to say: atchoo!

  72. gravityandsmores May 29, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

    oh my gosh SOOO funny 🙂 I will try some of these out. ET TU!

  73. Mendaxxx May 30, 2011 at 1:39 am #

    I downright snort at the selection chosen for ‘Freshly Pressed’, but yours was such refreshing humour that I think I’ll *Like* it 8)

    Et tu?

  74. Jason Mehl, Sculptor May 30, 2011 at 2:37 am #

    I find that sneezing is the perfect time to start “speaking in tongue” it amuses me to no end and freaks out people who don’t know me.

  75. howtorx May 30, 2011 at 8:11 am #

    Haha, this is hilarious. That snotty, stuffy accent always gets me going.

  76. The Compulsive Writer May 30, 2011 at 9:11 am #

    This was great! My husband had allergy shots for 7 years. When he “graduated” they teared up. Gotta love that.

  77. elizabethweaver May 30, 2011 at 10:39 am #

    Fantastic! Thank you for the much needed laugh!

  78. newsy1 May 30, 2011 at 10:39 am #

    Sometimes my allergies help me not talk on the phone to someone I would rather not talk to. Either they don’t recognize my voice or I’m sneezing so bad they have pity and hang up. Just trying to find an upside. great funny blog.

  79. itsaboutbjork May 30, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    haha, fun post, you’re a great writer (;

    But myself I don’t find allergies fun.. I have lactose-intolerance, which means I can’t eat ANYTHING AT ALL containing milk.. Imagine how it is for me to go to a reastaurant with my friends?.. “uuuhm do they have pizza without cheese?” NOT FUN!! :/

    Besides I don’t have nasal problems, luckily I’m not alergic to grass and flowers yay 😀

    but still, great post!

  80. nancyfrancis May 30, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    A friend of mine has a bit of a nervous twitch and winks all the time. He happens to be tremendously good looking and therfore boosts the confidence of everyone he winks at. I’m sure he’s self concious about it, but its boosting the morale of women.. and men.. all across this country 🙂

  81. Loyal to the Magisterium May 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

    funny enough I havnt had any problems with my hay fever this year….YET!!! lol

  82. richannkur May 30, 2011 at 11:45 pm #

    Good one..:)

  83. Arch May 31, 2011 at 1:39 am #

    Nice post.. vivid and funny.. well aachoo is here to stay, so i’m gonna try the wink 😉

  84. Gilberto Cedolia May 31, 2011 at 2:25 am #

    I suffer from the multiple sneeze attack, 8-12 back-to-back. Highly annoying and embarrassing. Good to know there are others like me.

  85. I Made You A Mixtape May 31, 2011 at 3:26 am #

    Oh my… sounds like you are a fellow allergy/hayfever sufferer… mine come sand goes in weird segments… I can be suffering today but tomorrow (same weather) no problem! Weird. Anyways, great post- very funny…loved it!

  86. Julia May 31, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

    How do you have fun with watery eyes???

  87. The Logophile June 1, 2011 at 12:52 am #

    lol. That was funny. Thanks for the laughs! Congrats on FP!

  88. free5piritphotography June 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

    As a hay fever sufferer myself I can totally relate to your points. Your reflections really made me laugh, and I loved the clip from the Golden Girls 🙂 Your blog is such a good read! Thanks for sharing!

    • Oh My Words! June 15, 2011 at 12:51 pm #

      thanks for reading! Glad you liked the Golden Girls clip–one of my favorite shows!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Fun With Allergies! (via Oh My Words!) « 5 Lilies - May 29, 2011

    […] Leave a comment Hello, friends! Are you stuffed up, run-down, miserable? Are your allergies something to sneeze at? Had enough of this nasal nonsense? Well buck up, buckers! I have personally collected ideas to push you through pollen season. The answers to all your problems is in this little blog post….. Practice your sneezes This is the perfect opportunity to practice the sweet sound of your sneeze. Vary the pitch, tone, and force of your sneeze. Try a cute … Read More […]

  2. Fun With Allergies! (via Oh My Words!) « I Can't Stop Raving - May 30, 2011

    […] Tagged allergies, humor, just-for-fun, kleenex, life Hello, friends! Are you stuffed up, run-down, miserable? Are your allergies something to sneeze at? Had enough of this nasal nonsense? Well buck up, buckers! I have personally collected ideas to push you through pollen season. The answers to all your problems is in this little blog post….. Practice your sneezes This is the perfect opportunity to practice the sweet sound of your sneeze. Vary the pitch, tone, and force of your sneeze. Try a cute … Read More […]

  3. How It Feels to Catch a Rubber Chicken « Oh My Words! - May 31, 2011

    […] is how I felt after discovering that my post Fun With Allergies! had been Freshly Pressed last Friday. I was going to try and describe it with words, but after […]

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