5 Scary Things That Happened to Me Today and Why I May Be Having a Mid-Life Crisis

25 Jan

5. While writing something, I could not figure out how to spell silhouette. I was misspelling it so badly that spell-check couldn’t even get a grasp of what I was trying to say. Finally, urged by desperation and impatience, I just looked it up.
s-i-l-h-o-u-t-t-e. Huh. Okay.
So I continued with my work until I got flummoxed again. Jiminy Cricket is a …conscious? No, wait…consiounce?  Oh God, no. Five minutes later, I had confirmed that the word conscience has “science” in it (since when??) and established a growing fear that I had lost all my smarts. Plus, I kept thinking of this 
great (if wince-worthy) comic by For Lack of a Better Comic that depicts an English major getting his English Major Badge taken away for bad spelling. 

4. I decided to treat myself to a mug of hot chocolate, what with my spelling nerves being so frazzled. I got a mug out of the cupboard, got the milk out of the refrigerator. I poured the milk into the mug, put the mug in the microwave. I put the milk back in the cupboard….
wait a minute…

3. Tomorrow, I will be chauffeuring a friend of my grandma’s to a doctor’s appointment. (I have a feeling that this experience will require its own post. The possibilities for hilarity and insanity are endless.) Today, this lady called to confirm what time I would pick her up, then said seven terrifying words: “I have you for the day, right?” The last time this particular woman asked this, I ended up spending 4 more hours with her than I had intended, pushing a grocery cart through Starbucks like a crazy person, reading the nutritional content of every single frozen dinner in Trader Joe’s, cleaning out her fridge, and doing her laundry. 

2. I applied for yet another job that I could potentially be excited about. ‘Nuff said. 

1. During an afternoon phone call, Grandma expressed her concern about me not meeting new people, living with my parents, not finding a job–the list goes on because, apparently, my life is very concerning. Grandma concluded with: “You really need to meet more people your own age. Your life is half over.”

I’m 23. I’d just like to put that out there. I’m 23, and Grandma has me in the middle-aged category already. Gee,  I thought I’d have accomplished so much more by this point.

“You’re 93!” I shouted. “If I live to be your age, then I’m definitely not at the halfway mark!”
“What, so I rounded up.” Grandma said.  And then: “Still, I think something’s half over. Your child-bearing years. Your brunette years. Your freedom years.”
“GAH! STOP TALKING! JUST STOP TALKING!” 

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15 Responses to “5 Scary Things That Happened to Me Today and Why I May Be Having a Mid-Life Crisis”

  1. IamNotDefined January 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

    Families can be such fun. Good luck with the brain farts 😉

    • Oh My Words! February 9, 2012 at 11:42 pm #

      fun…crazy…tomato toe-mah-toe

    • stillscapes February 15, 2012 at 9:00 pm #

      Love this! Absolutely love this! Yet another great post!

      • Oh My Words! March 16, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

        Awww–thank you! Glad you liked it.

  2. brennagrimes January 25, 2012 at 6:42 pm #

    Stuff like this happens to me all the time. It only gets worse as you get older, so good luck. (Haha, I turn 25 tomorrow…)

    • Oh My Words! February 9, 2012 at 11:41 pm #

      This is very belated, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you had a great day and celebrated your advanced age!

  3. WobblyWords January 25, 2012 at 7:08 pm #

    Ahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am still laughing 🙂 You are such a fun writer and an amazing person AND you have a hilarious grannie! and 23 is YOUNG!!!!

    Also, in a possibly bad friend way, I am glad that you know what it is like to be SO far off on spelling that spell check (and google and especially m-w) cannot figure out what you are trring to say. Its really quite awful, huh.
    (I’d also like to point out that “can not” and “aweful” make perfect sense to me!)

    • Oh My Words! February 9, 2012 at 11:40 pm #

      Did I really make you laugh? That makes me happy.

      Yes, I figured that you of all people would sympathize with me about the spelling catastrophe….

  4. Hoo Sze Ling January 25, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

    At 23, your life is half over. At 35, I must have 1.5 feet in the grave already!

    • Oh My Words! February 9, 2012 at 11:39 pm #

      Congrats on making it to your golden years! 😛

  5. madstickynotes January 26, 2012 at 5:46 am #

    oh my! i’m 23 too and all these have happened to me too, except for the chauffeuring (had to look this one up) thing…yikes!

    • Oh My Words! February 9, 2012 at 11:37 pm #

      a peer! We can meet up at the old folks home and compare notes!

  6. Kimberly Pugliano January 26, 2012 at 1:25 pm #

    Funny Gramma. I turned 40 last year. Already married, childed, divorced and remarried I was THRILLED to be 40. This is gonna be an awesome awesome decade. Gramma leave her alone. She’s a BABY!!! And stay with your parents as long as you can. Build up your credit and your bank account and stay away from stupid boys.

    • Oh My Words! February 9, 2012 at 11:36 pm #

      If I could, I would embroider the second half of your comment into a pillow. I could probably even sell it on etsy and make a mint…

      Kim, you are too great and I’m sure this *is* gonna be an awesome awesome decade for you! 🙂

  7. mekaka February 26, 2013 at 5:22 am #

    Pretty sure too late to reply but just wanted to say I loved this post, along with all of your other writings. 🙂

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