Tag Archives: grandma

5 Scary Things That Happened to Me Today and Why I May Be Having a Mid-Life Crisis

25 Jan

5. While writing something, I could not figure out how to spell silhouette. I was misspelling it so badly that spell-check couldn’t even get a grasp of what I was trying to say. Finally, urged by desperation and impatience, I just looked it up.
s-i-l-h-o-u-t-t-e. Huh. Okay.
So I continued with my work until I got flummoxed again. Jiminy Cricket is a …conscious? No, wait…consiounce?  Oh God, no. Five minutes later, I had confirmed that the word conscience has “science” in it (since when??) and established a growing fear that I had lost all my smarts. Plus, I kept thinking of this 
great (if wince-worthy) comic by For Lack of a Better Comic that depicts an English major getting his English Major Badge taken away for bad spelling. 

4. I decided to treat myself to a mug of hot chocolate, what with my spelling nerves being so frazzled. I got a mug out of the cupboard, got the milk out of the refrigerator. I poured the milk into the mug, put the mug in the microwave. I put the milk back in the cupboard….
wait a minute…

3. Tomorrow, I will be chauffeuring a friend of my grandma’s to a doctor’s appointment. (I have a feeling that this experience will require its own post. The possibilities for hilarity and insanity are endless.) Today, this lady called to confirm what time I would pick her up, then said seven terrifying words: “I have you for the day, right?” The last time this particular woman asked this, I ended up spending 4 more hours with her than I had intended, pushing a grocery cart through Starbucks like a crazy person, reading the nutritional content of every single frozen dinner in Trader Joe’s, cleaning out her fridge, and doing her laundry. 

2. I applied for yet another job that I could potentially be excited about. ‘Nuff said. 

1. During an afternoon phone call, Grandma expressed her concern about me not meeting new people, living with my parents, not finding a job–the list goes on because, apparently, my life is very concerning. Grandma concluded with: “You really need to meet more people your own age. Your life is half over.”

I’m 23. I’d just like to put that out there. I’m 23, and Grandma has me in the middle-aged category already. Gee,  I thought I’d have accomplished so much more by this point.

“You’re 93!” I shouted. “If I live to be your age, then I’m definitely not at the halfway mark!”
“What, so I rounded up.” Grandma said.  And then: “Still, I think something’s half over. Your child-bearing years. Your brunette years. Your freedom years.”
“GAH! STOP TALKING! JUST STOP TALKING!” 

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You Can Lead a Vegetarian to Chicken, But You Can’t Make Her Eat It

1 Feb

A few weeks ago, the father of a close friend of mine was very ill and had to go into the hospital so my grandma and I offered to make dinner for their family. We didn’t really have a menu in mind, but I have a great recipe for tortellini soup and I knew I wanted that to be a part of our meal. As we were racking our brains for an entree, I had a doh moment and remembered that my friend is a vegetarian.

Now, one of the many reasons I love my grandma is that for a 92 year old woman, she is a very modern thinker. But she did not seem to grasp the whole vegetarian concept. I was worried that my friend would not eat my soup, since its base is chicken broth. Here is a fairly accurate recreation of the conversation that went on between me and grandma:

GRANDMA:  “Why wouldn’t she eat the soup?”
ME:  “Because it’s half chicken broth. If she doesn’t eat chicken, why would she eat chicken broth?”
GMA:  “She doesn’t eat chicken??”
ME:  “No, I told you she’s a vegetarian.”
GMA:  “Well what do vegetarians eat?”
ME: “Vegetables…maybe tofu.”
GMA (in an insulted voice):  “Tofu!”
ME:  “Well, sometimes people are selective vegetarians. Like, they’ll eat fish but not anything else.
GMA:  “Well, everybody eats chicken. I thought we’d make lemon chicken for their dinner…”
ME:  “Not everybody eats chicken! That’s the whole point of vegetarianism! We can’t make lemon chicken.”
GMA:  “Well, how about pork chops?”
ME:  “Grandma, she doesn’t eat meat! That means noooooo animals!”
GMA:  “Well, God!”
A thoughtful silence passes and then…
GMA: “How about pot pie?”
ME: “You mean your pot pie recipe with chicken in it?”
GMA:  “Yes…What? Everybody eats chicken! What’s the matter with that?”

You are what you eat?

We ended up making vegetarian stuffed peppers, which came out quite good despite my grandma’s declaration that they “weren’t real.” I did make my soup, because I thought that maybe someone else in my friend’s family would eat it (and, okay, I was attached to the idea). Turns out, my friend does eat chicken broth. When I told my grandma, she threw her hands up in the air and said “I told you everyone eats chicken. Psh. And you wanted to make tofu.”