Freshly Pressed, Paralyzing Surprise, and Powdered Sugar

5 Mar

 

Here’s how my day went yesterday. I woke up, took a family friend to the airport, and ruthlessly ignored an angry-as-a-bear coffee craving. I took grandma and her candy-apple red walker to Target to buy off-black stockings. It was very important that they were off-black and not midnight, jet, or ebony–I don’t know why, but I generally make it a rule not to question the whims of a 92 year old woman with a candy-apple red walker. By Order of Grandma, I had to get down on my hands and knees and weed through the depths of stockings–not the most graceful moment of my life.(Picture a racoon, who appreciates a bargain, foraging in Target’s hosiery department.)  This was followed by lunch at La Boulange where they messed up our orders and I had to work up the nerve to tell them so. (I hate doing that!) Grandma bought me an almond croissant (aren’t grandmas great?) and I tucked it away to eat later. 

You still with me? I’m going somewhere with this, I swear.

I brought grandma home and did a few chores for her–changed a light bulb, got a teapot off the top shelf, dusted the windowsill. When I got home, I decided it was croissant time. This was an epic, magical, croissant–I’m talking the kind of pastry that almost inspires a religious experience. I idly logged into my email while I was eating and when gmail informed me that I had more than 150 messages I was so shocked that I actually put down the divine danish. There were WordPress emails as far as the eye could see! At first I thought it was a mistake. I’ve been having a problem with traffic scams (fake-out hits that indicate bogus readership) so I thought this was more of the same. I retrieved my croissant and clicked on one of the comments. Amidst some lovely praise was “Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!”  

I inhaled my croissant’s powdered sugar and choked.

This was no delicate little cough at a cotillion. I wheezed so hard that the dogs scattered (so much for loyalty–not a Lassie among them). I choked so violently that the table and my computer with its game-changing email rattled. I tried to breathe in sugar-free air, but somehow ended up hacking more. (Is it possible to die from powdered sugar inhalation? Someone should study this.) Disbelieving, I quickly clicked over to the WordPress homepage (oh me of little faith!) and there it was, my 5 Stages of Cleaning.

I was speechless. I sat there, covered in powdered sugar, speechless.

Eventually I called my grandma. First, it took several minutes to explain what a blog is (and that it’s not pronounced ba-log). Then, when I told her the name of the featured post, she wouldn’t stop laughing. “CLEANING? Bahahahahah! You wrote about cleaning? That must have been a short article! Bahahaha! Just imagine–you, cleaning!” Okay, not exactly the trumpets-blaring, my-granddaughter-is-so-witty reaction I was going for.

It doesn’t matter though, because even Grandma’s bout of hysterics (honestly, I was worried about her heart she was laughing so hard) didn’t pop my bubble. I’m still on a Freshly Pressed high (not unlike a powdered sugar high) because the readership has been undeniable and the comments have been incredible. I know this is a roller coaster ride (that’s how it was described by one of my favorite bloggers, Girl on the Contrary) but at the moment I’m definitely going up up up. I just want to let all of you know that I really appreciate all the subscriptions, likes, and comments. Besides finding the funny in life, my day-to-day goal is to write things that inspire oh-me-too! moments. In the end, I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised that the 5 Stages of Cleaning hit a chord with so many people–shared misery will do that. For all you cleaning sympathizers, I invite you to check out this book. What a philosophy!

Okay, if this were the Oscars the get-off-the-stage music would be playing really loudly right now. Ijustwanttothankmymotherandmygrandmaforbelievinginmeandlaughingatmeand
mydogsandmy11thgradeteacherandmybestfriendsandformerroommatesandandand
justTHANKYOU!


P.S I am slowly reading all the comments and trying to respond to a lot of them. In the meantime, because I value you so much as a reader, you (yes, YOU) should treat yourself to an almond croissant. Just don’t inhale.

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40 Responses to “Freshly Pressed, Paralyzing Surprise, and Powdered Sugar”

  1. girlonthecontrary March 5, 2011 at 6:18 pm #

    Let me tell you something….I very much had an “oh me too” moment with this post because I do the same type of digging at Target for my Grammy (except she is always looking for tan but not too tan panty hose). Thanks for the shout out and don’t worry about the roller-coaster, I’m sure you will be seeing the Freshly Pressed email again soon! Xx

    • Oh My Words! March 5, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

      I love and always relate to your Grammy posts and I’m glad I’m not the only one causing a grandma-related spectacle at Target! 🙂
      The shout-out was my pleasure and as for the roller coaster–maybe there should be a support group….just kidding…mostly…

  2. Ash March 5, 2011 at 7:12 pm #

    Congrats! I must say I reaped some of the benefits of your success. Since I’m on your blogroll I’ve had a crazy influx of visitors. And since almonds are my favorite I might take you up on that croissant. 🙂

    • Oh My Words! March 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm #

      glad I could help with your visitor turnout! I hope you managed to enjoy that croissant!

  3. shreejacob March 5, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    Congrats to you 🙂 It’s always a pleasure to read blogs by those that can see the funny side of life and write about it so well too! 🙂

    • Oh My Words! March 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm #

      Thank you! I’m thrilled you’ve enjoyed my writing and my humor–that’s the best compliment!

  4. Nicole March 5, 2011 at 7:37 pm #

    Grandmas are incredibly awesome, though mine are named Nana and Neenie. I love them both to pieces. Speaking of hosiery, Neenie gave me a sign that is proudly hanging in the guest bathroom. It reads, “I’m a queen, my pantyhose say so!” Priceless! So true!

    Happy hosiery digging…blogging…enjoying that almond pastry…and congrats on Freshly Pressed (that’s where I found your blog!!!!)

    Nicole
    http://mrshutchison.wordpress.com/

    • Oh My Words! March 5, 2011 at 10:41 pm #

      Yes, I truly treasure my grandma! I love your Neenie’s sign–too funny!

      I’m so glad you found me and my blog! Thanks for the support!

  5. pattyabr March 5, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

    you are the BEST for being so nice to your grandma. My daughter spent a weekend with my parents (her grandparents) who are 85 and 89 years old and she helped them at Target also. They were buying a one year tract cell phone and the order got all screwed up.She went with them to Target and advocated for them and straightened out the whole thing. Hurray for your grandma, you and your almond crossiant. You are FABULOUS!

    • Oh My Words! March 5, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

      awww, your daughter sounds pretty fabulous too! I love people who appreciate their grandparents–it’s definitely a sign of a good soul.
      I’m so thankful to have you as a reader!

  6. Deli Lanoux, Ed.D. March 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

    Hilarious. Entertaining. Gotta love it!

    All of it… ’cause, of course, I love stories.

    • Oh My Words! March 5, 2011 at 10:51 pm #

      Oh good, I’m happy I didn’t lose you halfway through 🙂

  7. auliakushardini March 6, 2011 at 1:48 am #

    ‘5 Stages of Cleaning’ was a full-of-wit article! And you are being fabulous by being so humble on helping your grandma and being featured on the Freshly Pressed 🙂

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:02 pm #

      thank you! I’ve been so happy that people liked and identified with The 5 Stages of Cleaning….now I’m happy that people identify with my grandma stories! 🙂

  8. adhocannie March 6, 2011 at 2:55 am #

    Humour, easy flowing writing, events of the day cleverly observed, a generous heart – I look forward to more. AA

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:03 pm #

      oh man, does that motivate me! I look forward to bringing you more!

  9. run4joy59 March 6, 2011 at 3:15 am #

    Aren’t grandmas great?! And (sometimes unfortunately) they know us so well!! If I didn’t already congratulate you for being freshly pressed, allow me to do so now!! That’s how I found your blog (or ba-log)…love your writing style!

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:04 pm #

      Thank you so much! I’m overwhelmed and giddy with all the positive response!

  10. m00dyj March 6, 2011 at 4:36 am #

    My 87-year-old Mum sounds just like your grandma, except that she’s not really mobile following a fall down the stairs last year. Instead of taking her to the store, we bring the store to her, only nothing we choose is ever right, so it’s a constant round of selecting and returning. I think there’s a huge market out there for some enterprising soul to create a store especially for grandmas – only they would have to be canny marketers because knowing my Mum she would never shop there if she thought it was especially for elderly ladies!

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:10 pm #

      hmmm that’s a very interesting entrepreneurial idea! I actually have a story relating to this (about a mail order catalogue for senior citizens) but now that you’ve given me the idea maybe I’ll save it for another post…

      I think that’s so sweet that you bring the store to your mum! Even if you don’t make all the right offerings, does she get a kick out of the selection process? I think it would make me feel like a queen. 🙂

  11. How did I reach sixty? March 6, 2011 at 9:06 am #

    I’m a newbie here, just joined a few days ago. Your blog was one of the first I read and I enjoyed it so much, it made me laugh out loud. A true inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing with us!

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

      Welcome to the blogosphere!
      It is my absolute pleasure to make you laugh out loud! Thank you for reading!

  12. poulenain March 6, 2011 at 10:34 am #

    Being a swedish blogger writing most posts in swedish, you and the rest of the wordpress lot probably can’t read more than 0.01% of my blog posts, (no I don’t approve of google translate in general 😀 )

    still.

    I want you to know that this post made me laugh so hard that I am still coughing.

    love,

    johanna

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:32 pm #

      What does it say about me that I’m happy I made you cough…er, laugh? 😀
      Sadly, you’re right and my language knowledge does not include Swedish–but I’m very grateful you enjoyed the post!

  13. pleasebekindrewind March 6, 2011 at 11:07 am #

    Love your “Grandma – Target” experience. Also your insights about problems with Cleaning :)So with you there… Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

      Thanks! So glad you enjoyed and connected with my writing!

  14. ASuburbanLife March 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    Congratulations on the Freshly Pressed! I liked that post; like this one even better. And I love your header photo too!

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:43 pm #

      Thank you!! It was hard to put into words the story of my surprise/gratitude!
      I am no whiz with photography and the header photo took way too much time to finally get. (Who knew there were that many settings on my camera?)Glad you like it!

  15. mandebate March 6, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

    Oh! You are a great writer, I finished reading your article with very short time, I felt.

    Thanks for your share!

  16. lifeintheboomerlane March 6, 2011 at 7:29 pm #

    Instead of a grandma, I have an Aunt Gert. Before she went into assisted living, she spent most of her time destroying supermarket displays in her motorized cart, as I went running after her.

    • Oh My Words! March 6, 2011 at 11:46 pm #

      Your Aunt Gert sounds great!! I hope I get my own zippy motorized (flying?) cart when I’m old! And a niece to chase after me would be fun too 😉

  17. durdlin March 7, 2011 at 2:57 am #

    You’ve got yourself a new subscriber 🙂

  18. NuttyNeuron March 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm #

    I had an almond croissant and loved it – you inspired me :p it was amazing, and so is your writing style 🙂

    • Oh My Words! March 7, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

      yay! Now I feel like we had almond croissants together! 🙂 Thanks for the compliment and thanks for reading!

  19. sloopie72 March 10, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

    Now I want a croissant again. I read this a few days ago and got over the craving, but it’s back.

    I wanted to wait to ask you a question, since you seemed to be dealing with comment overload – you said “I’ve been having a problem with traffic scams (fake-out hits that indicate bogus readership)” – can you explain this? I think I’m having the same problem. I don’t understand where some referrals come from – sites I’ve never heard of, financial sites, tech sites, dancing sites, drug sites, places I never new existed. I don’t understand how they’re finding me from there. Is this the sort of thing you mean? Is there a way to stop it? Or should I just ignore it?

    • Oh My Words! March 10, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

      Yes, that was exactly my problem too. I recommend reading this http://adarnay.wordpress.com/2011/01/29/scams/ (I found it really helpful) and not clicking on links that seem completely random. From what I understand, it seems like there’s not much else to be done. I tried to report the really persistent fake referrers to WordPress–they can try to keep them from showing up again–but after a time there were so many that I sort of gave up. It’s really annoying, isn’t it? It drove me crazy because I’d get excited about the numbers, only to realize that they weren’t accurate.

      You could relieve some of the frustration with another croissant–just an idea 🙂

      • sloopie72 March 10, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

        Wow, thanks, that’s extremely helpful, the scams site and the info they give. It’s not a major problem, maybe 5 or 10 hits a day, but it’s been bothering me trying to figure out what’s going on. Thank you so much! And hey, have a croissant on me! In fact, I think I’ll join you… yummmmm…

      • Oh My Words! March 10, 2011 at 11:15 pm #

        no problem–glad I could help! 🙂

  20. idiosyncraticeye April 1, 2011 at 1:30 am #

    Almond croissants are my favourite too. 🙂

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